


A Broken Little Soldier

by FBIs_Most_Unwanted



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, holy terror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 07:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FBIs_Most_Unwanted/pseuds/FBIs_Most_Unwanted
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Dean Winchester ever did was try to fix everybody, but he really screwed up. He messed up everything, and he couldn't fix it. He would never be able to fix it. Not this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Broken Little Soldier

"I played him pretty well, don't you think?"

Dean Winchester sank to the floor, the room disappearing behind the veil of tears cascading gently down his face. This was all his fault, and he knew it. There were some things you just can't lie to yourself about.

Dean had one job, -one job- and he screwed it up. Why didn't he see this coming? How could he have been so oblivious?   
Sammy was his brother, his goddamn brother, and Dean couldn't even tell that it wasn't Sammy. How could he have been so stupid?

He had practically raised Sam. Dean should have been able to know in an instant if it was in fact Sam that was talking. But no, Dean was fooled by an angel. This shouldn'tve happened.

"There is no more Sam."

It was Dean's job to protect Sammy. He was supposed to be there, dammit. Where was he when Sam was lying comatose in a hospital bed taking his last breaths? Was he raising hell to save his brother? No, he was in a goddamn church, praying to someone who wasn't listening. God, why didn't Dean try harder? He didn't even consider what could happen when that angel said he could heal Sam.

All Dean was thinking of was Sammy. Not his safety, and certainly not his brother's. This wasn't supposed to happen. Sammy was gone, and it was Dean's fault. All Dean ever did was lie to his brother, the one person in this damn world that still looked up to him, and Dean would give anything to have a do-over. Dean could find no words for this; he could barely think. Because Dean knew he fucked up and that he wasn’t going to be able to fix it, not this time.

This couldn’t be real. It had to be a dream. In a few minutes, Dean would wake up, and everything was going to be okay again. Everything was going to be okay. It had to be. 

Wake up. C’mon wake up.

Dean tried to focus. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he would be awake. He would feel stupid for believing this, but it would be over. Why wasn’t he waking up?

Goddammit, wake up!

Dean’s hands slapped the sides of his head, thinking that maybe he could force this nightmare to end. Though his efforts were strong, they were not enough to pull Dean out of the darkness that worked its way inside, settling down in the pit of his stomach, adding a newfound heaviness to everything.

“Kevin?” Dean’s eyes turned toward the body before him. No. No. This isn’t real. This isn’t real! Why was this happening to him? What had he done to deserve this? Sure, Dean had never been perfect, but what did someone have to do that warranted such damage?

“Kevin?” Dean’s voice faltered, tangling with the raw emotion emanating from the darkness inside. He didn’t fight the tears that had managed to find their way to his eyes and began cascading down his cheeks.

Dean Winchester was no stranger to loss. In fact, it had become a part of him, having grown accustomed to its effects since the age of four. This was more than loss. Everyone was gone. 

And all of it was Dean’s fault. He only wanted to help. All Dean ever did was try to please everybody, and in doing so, he tossed his own happiness aside. Dean fought for the ones he loved. Hell, he even died for them a time or two, but there was no way he could get them back this time. He was a soldier, a soldier who’d brought the war home with him –it never truly left his side, tormenting him with the heavy losses of the battles, choking out the victories and replacing them with the weight of the failures.

The broken little soldier let his head drop into his hands, and he wept. He shed his tears for the ones he left behind. Dean Winchester devoted his entire life in fixing everything, but he forgot about his own wounds, and somewhere along the way, he broke himself.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters.


End file.
